As foster parents, we often encounter others – family, friends and even strangers – who tell us “I could never foster.” Certainly many current foster parents, at some point in the past, didn’t believe they could do it either. So we asked foster parents how they developed the courage to become a foster family, and how they respond to others who claim they could never foster. Read on for the beautiful and heartfelt responses:
Sara says there is no such thing as “too attached”
The Attachment is Worth It, Even When You Say Goodbye
Every kid deserves someone who will love and cherish them as their own child. So, yeah, it’s hard, but that’s what makes it so good. (Chad)
It may not be easy, but it is certainly worth it. There is beauty and joy that comes with walking alongside a child (and their family when possible) in their pain, and believing and hoping for redemption, beauty from ashes. (Jen)
It’s tough not knowing if that goodbye is coming unexpectedly later today, or three years from now. I have to prepare my heart and my head — and my biological kids — for these goodbyes, yet I never really know when goodbye is coming. But if the time I can spend with these precious children does anything to ease their heartache and trauma, I consider it a privilege to know and love these children, and to become attached, even if it’s only temporary. (Sara)
Maria has fostered teens for many years, a group that is often hard to find a foster family for.
If Not You, Then Who?
Don’t let negative thoughts stand in your way, such as ‘I can’t do this. I’m not going to be able to handle it when they leave. It’s going to break my heart.’ If we don’t care for these children, who is going to do it? If fostering doesn’t break your heart then you are doing it wrong; but it is so worth it. (Maria)
Kendal continues to have relationships with children and families who have reunified.
Everyone Can Do Something
I always respond first and foremost that not everyone is meant to foster. The most common response is that they would get too attached, to which I always respond that it’s about your focus and perspective. I know that we will face heartbreak, but we choose to in order to do our part in healing the heartbreak of these children. It’s about their pain, not ours. If not becoming licensed to foster, I suggest other avenues to get involved and give back if interested! (Kendal)
Not everyone is called to foster. But we love it. And there are so many other ways to get involved. Everyone can do something. If I’m speaking with someone who wishes they could foster but think they can’t, that’s usually a great conversation to unpack that thinking. (Andrea)
Not everyone will foster, but everyone can do something to help. Find your something! Become a mentor, tutor, advocate. Partner with foster parents and organizations that are already doing great work in your community. You might realize that you could foster, and in fact someday you may find yourself saying, “I could never imagine not doing something.” (Kaley)
