By guest blogger and foster mom, Brooke Blake
Our journey to foster care didn’t officially begin until October of 2017. My husband, Brandon, and I mulled over the idea for quite some time before deciding to jump in. I had some friends on social media who were fostering and the idea sounded great to me. I was ready to begin immediately!
My husband, on the other hand, never really commits to something without great consideration. And so while he felt good about the idea of opening our home to children, he needed to really think about it. His C.P.A mindset begged for the idea to be raked through the coals; he needed to look at it from every angle and recalculate it a few times to make sure it all added up.
At first this frustrated me. I questioned his heart. I questioned why I had such a huge burden to foster and my husband, who was always my partner, didn’t feel the same burden. So I researched foster care like crazy and would present my husband with the facts in an attempt to hurry his decision.
“Almost 500 children are in foster care in Spartanburg County alone!” I would tell him.
Brandon would simply reply, “I’m not questioning the need.”
This made no sense to me! If he knew there was a need, why wasn’t he ready to act? I kept researching and asking others about foster care, searching for something I could present to Brandon to blow him away, to seal the deal, something that would compel him to join forces with me. But I never found it. I became more frustrated with what I thought was my husband’s lack of compassion, his procrastination, his deliberate turning a blind eye to a huge issue. I wanted to talk about it, to convince him, but my husband is more introverted and no amount of talking or persuading was going to speed up or make his decision for him. Finally, I realized there was nothing or me to do but pray, and give him time.
And so I did.
Fast forward to one day after church. The sermon had just ended. Brandon suddenly looked at me and told me he began praying the day I first brought up fostering. And that he knew now that the answer was “yes” to moving forward. I was so amazed and humbled! I had doubted my husband’s heart for others, but he just wanted to be sure it was the right decision. Brandon wanted to foster all along, and when I gave him the time and space, he was able to conclude we were supposed to do it.
That same day I contacted Heartfelt Calling to begin the process of becoming foster parents. It has been an amazing and often frustrating journey (all of which I hope to share with you in the future) but we know we are doing what we are called to do. Not because one of us convinced the other, but because it became clear to us both, in our own time and way.
Now we are both together and ALL IN on this crazy foster parenting adventure!
[If you feel the desire to become a foster parent, but your spouse isn’t ready to move forward, feel free to contact us. We’d love to talk with you or connect you with someone who experienced a similar situation. You can also visit the blog post Reluctant to read about some practical advise to interact with a hesitant partner.]