I am a (bio) mom. I lost my kid to the foster care system. It was heartbreaking and terrible. Here’s what I want all foster parents to know: open communication was my saving grace. Let me explain.
There were many times that I wanted to give up. Stop trying. Let go. Do you know what kept me going? The bond that I was able to build with my daughter because of the wonderful foster family she was placed with. My daughter’s foster mom showed me respect from the moment I met her. They didn’t treat me like an awful parent who didn’t deserve my child. (Even though I know I’m not a terrible parent, it is definitely how I felt at times while going through those long seven months without my daughter.) Instead, they gave me a shoulder to cry on. Literally. At the court room one day, my knees buckled and I felt like my world was ending. In that moment, the foster mom treated me like a human being who just needed a bit of help, like we all do at times.
If I am being honest, I met a couple of discouraging people on my journey– people who made me feel less worthy. But not the foster mom that had my baby. During the darkest time in my life when I felt like I could barely breathe, she provided a breath of fresh air. She was never condescending. She would send me texts checking in with me, letting me know how my daughter was doing. It was the best when she sent me pictures. It made me want to get out of bed, no matter how sad and miserable I felt.
I lack the words to express how grateful I am to the foster family that had my child. Right after she was taken from me, I couldn’t sleep at night. I was worried sick about where she was and how she was doing. That changed after meeting her foster mom. But being a part of my daughter’s life helped me rest a little easier. I’m not going to lie and say the phone calls I got with my daughter didn’t break me down sometimes because I wanted to be the one putting her to bed in our home, but at least I was able to tell her goodnight even if it only was a phone call. I never knew how much a phone call could mean to me. I looked forward to those phone calls every day.
Photo shared with permission
Here’s the one thing I want to tell every foster parent: Be kind to your kiddo’s mom. This is likely the most painful thing they have ever experienced. It was for me. I don’t know how I would have made it through without constant texts, pictures, and open communication from my daughter’s foster family. And finally, a huge thank you for all the amazing foster parents out there – you are making a difference! You are making this world a better place.
On March 31, 2019 this mother was reunified with her daughter and their bond is stronger than ever. They are both happy and healthy.
